Saying “no” in our Nigerian society can be tough!
Between family expectations, work demands, and that church committee role you didn’t really want but somehow got volunteered into, many of us are drowning in yeses we wish were nos.
But here’s the truth – setting boundaries isn’t disrespectful; it’s necessary for your mental health and productivity. Let’s talk about how to do this without earning yourself a new prayer point at the next family meeting.
Family Matters: The Art of Respectful Refusal
We all know that uncle who calls with a “small favor” that usually involves your bank account. Or that aunt who’s already planning your contribution to the next family event. While family support is beautiful and important in our culture, it shouldn’t leave you broke or burned out. Start with phrases like “I won’t be able to help this time, but I care about you.” Notice there’s no “sorry” or long explanation – those only invite negotiations. If you must explain, keep it simple: “I have other commitments I need to honor.” No need to list those commitments like you’re defending your PhD thesis.
Workplace Wisdom: Professional Boundaries
At work, learn to say “I’ll check my schedule and get back to you” instead of an immediate yes. This gives you time to evaluate if that “quick task” is actually a week-long project in disguise. When declining, offer alternatives: “I can’t take this on now, but I could help next week,” or “While I can’t handle the full project, I can review the final draft.”
The Social Media Struggle
No, you don’t have to attend every online family meeting, respond to every WhatsApp message immediately, or be in every group chat. It’s okay to put your phone on DND or exit groups that drain your energy. You’re not being proud; you’re being prudent.
The Guilt Factor
Remember that guilt trip ticket your relatives try to book you on? You don’t have to board that flight. Your mental health and personal space are not items for negotiation. You can respect your elders while respectfully declining to do everything they ask.
Practical Scripts for Common Situations:
- For excessive work requests: “I want to give my best to my current projects, so I’ll have to decline additional tasks right now.”
- For financial requests: “I’m not in a position to help financially at the moment.”
- For time demands: “Thank you for thinking of me, but my schedule is fully committed.”
The Bottom Line
Setting boundaries isn’t about building walls; it’s about creating healthy fences that protect your peace while maintaining relationships. Start small, stay consistent, and remember – you’re not being rude by having boundaries; you’re being responsible. And yes, some people might not like your new boundaries at first, But they’ll eventually get used to it.
Talking about boundaries, I know a financial friend that is always there, Just chat with Naya today!
