There is no known training manual for becoming a Nigerian father.
As far as anyone can tell, no official handbook exists, no certification course is required and no orientation programme is provided. Yet Nigerian fathers across different states, tribes, professions and generations somehow seem to operate using the same set of unwritten rules.
Nobody knows who created these rules or where they are kept. What we do know is that every Nigerian father appears to receive a copy at some point.
In honour of Father’s Day, here are a few of the unofficial rules they all seem to follow.
Rule 1: Every Light in the House Must Be Switched Off
It doesn’t matter if you left the room for three seconds. It doesn’t matter if you’re coming right back. It certainly doesn’t matter if the power holding company has been unusually generous lately.
If a Nigerian father spots an empty room with the light on, an investigation begins immediately. Questions are asked. A speech may follow. Somewhere in the middle of that speech, you will hear the familiar line:
“Do you know how much I pay for light?”
To date, nobody has successfully answered this question.
Rule 2: Asking for Directions Is a Last Resort
A Nigerian father can miss three turns, drive around the same roundabout twice and end up in an entirely different local government area.
But asking for directions? Let’s not be unreasonable.
The preferred strategy is confidence, even when confidence has absolutely no evidence to support it.
Rule 3: Every Broken Item Can Be Fixed
Chair shaking? Manageable.
Remote control faulty? Let’s see.
Fan making unusual sounds? Bring it here.
A Nigerian father’s belief in his repair abilities is genuinely inspiring. Sometimes the item gets fixed. Sometimes it becomes significantly worse. Either way, the important thing is that an attempt was made.
And honestly, there is something admirable about that level of optimism.
Rule 4: Falling Asleep in Front of the Television Is Not Sleeping
This remains one of the greatest mysteries known to humanity.
The television is on. The eyes are closed. Snoring may even be taking place. Yet the moment somebody reaches for the remote control, the father wakes up immediately and asks:
“Who told you I was sleeping?”
Scientists have not yet found an explanation.
Rule 5: Every Journey Requires a Safety Briefing
Whether you are travelling to another state or simply going to the supermarket, the instructions are usually the same.
“Be careful.”
“Call when you arrive.”
“Don’t stay out too late.”
“Watch your surroundings.”
By the time the conversation ends, you feel less like you’re running an errand and more like you’re about to embark on a high-risk international mission.
Rule 6: The House Temperature Is Their Personal Responsibility
Too much fan? Problem.
Too little fan? Problem.
Door open? Problem.
Window closed? Somehow also a problem.
Nigerian fathers possess a remarkable awareness of household temperature conditions and remain committed to regulating them at all times.
Rule 7: Food Must Never Be Wasted
This rule transcends generations.
A Nigerian father can tolerate many things. Food wastage is rarely one of them.
Whether it is rice, soup, bread or the last piece of meat, there is usually a lecture waiting nearby. And perhaps for good reason. Many fathers grew up understanding the value of resources and the importance of not taking them for granted.
Rule 8: They Will Worry About You, But They May Not Say It Directly
This may be the most important rule of all.
Because beneath the jokes, the lectures, the questions about electricity bills and the constant reminders to lock the door, there is often something deeper: care.
Many fathers express love differently. Some say it through advice. Others say it through questions, reminders or concern disguised as routine instructions. Whatever form it takes, the intention is usually the same.
A Father’s Day Reflection
The truth is that many of the things we laugh about today are often the things we remember most later. The warnings. The routines. The habits. The speeches that felt too long at the time. The care that sometimes arrived disguised as instructions.
So this Father’s Day, here’s to the fathers, father figures, guardians, mentors and men who continue showing up for the people who depend on them.
Happy Father’s Day!
Victor Odogwu
